Life - a fast forwarded 'rewind'

To summarize it, currently my life revolves around Newton's first law.

My brain, life, body, soul, existence, identity...everything that has to do with me is at rest and all forces fail to put it into some sort of an action. Its like standing gazing at the world full of activity through a thick glass wall...I can see it clearly, all the colours yet its through a glass, I know there is noise on the other side but numbness of vacuum is all i hear. Feels like I have been tranquilized by the serenity of silence...but does one 'feel' an experience or its just a happening that merely takes place.

Random co-existence of thoughts, juvenile ideas, abortion of ideas to blossom into actions, hybrid mental blockage, significantly developed failures, rapid retardation...life is all but forward.

Am living monotonous procrastination to its fullest.

Oh what a Bitch!

Handsomely bored and honestly bugged , I read through the times of India Delhi edition and predictable of Sunday times, an article has to exist on the rising woman power in India. Hence in one of such articles I discovered the motivation to write this blog - A Mumbai based journalist’s blog on sex in a woman’s life. I must appreciate that the blog was extremely well framed and boldly written but what interested me more was that it further confirmed my belief in the fact that being a ‘bitch’ is one religion that all women follow ardently. Discussing the guidelines and principles of this religious belief can be highly controversial and worth debating over but solely, the religion recognises and affirms faith in female goddess - the goddess which resides within the heart of every female and no particular deity has to be followed but the goddess’s incarnations modify from decades to decades revolutionising the disciples’ thoughts and actions from time to time ….Marilyn Monroe, Angelina Jolie, Jenifer Annis ton, Katrina kaif…the goddess’s names across the countries varies. This religion knows no boundaries and is worshipped secretly by every woman across the globe. The true idols, the pillars of the religion might vary according to the location of the follower, but the secret aspiration to be like one of the goddesses’ remains the same…the inspiration is the driving force. So, to begin with, I am not "suggesting' that every woman is a bitch, I 'believe' in it.

The Mantra -

And surprisingly enough, as follower of the religion she would show affinity towards a fellow follower and recognises an associate ‘bitch’ too and for sure, would love to call another respected member a ‘bitch’ with pride and at times as a gesture signifying mere affection. Addressing another female as a bitch, well, don’t misjudge, its a chanting mantra of the religion, the way to attain mental peace…a way of doing ‘sadhna’ and so much more….

Ask a woman, how important the word ‘bitch’ becomes ever since she attains that age to understand the truly wonderful meaning of the word…it brings pleasure to every woman when she is obligated to use the word in situations difficult to handle…it’s the word which when recited can bring a truly ‘heartfelt’ peace in the hearts of many women…just a single word can provoke violence vice verse can cool down the boiling temperatures within a female’s ‘angry, head….the word has ‘yogic’ properties- when enchanted is immediately followed by deep breathing leading to peace of body and soul…has healing properties for a healthy woman’s heart (helps in pumping the blood faster).

And well enough, no rituals have to be followed and no hard work has to be done in adopting the religion…so, ‘just be yourself’ is the tag line of the religion.

To adopt the religion – the cycle of ‘Karma’

That’s the easiest task. To become a disciple a woman has to do nothing and one day she realizes that she automatically has become one

• In school when pimples and braces define your beauty and mom does not let you wax your legs and do your eyebrows, when folding your socks down and wearing short tunics too fails to attract attention…and there is this girl in school who is pretty and in her lies the interest of all guys…the school of learning begins right there…the pretty girl is proclaimed as a ‘bitch’.

Once the foundation stone has been laid in the young minds, with hearts ignited, the learning goes forever till death does them apart.

• You are a sexy hot-bod, a fellow friend not so great looking but with brains…secretly she is a bitch

• Hot babe with great brains, super cool boyfriend …automatic promotion -Super bitch!
• Fellow colleague finished her work before you did…Oh what a bitch!

• Your boyfriends’ eyes drool over to some random female in a crowded place…the random female does not even realise….she just opened her own gateways by being called a ‘bitch’

“You win you lose…you are ugly or beautiful...you rise or fail...you are anointed as the disciple of the religion anyways by a fellow follower”

Secretly, the word has the sacred authority of defining woman power - after all Ekta Kapoor’s business thrives on this (she uses religion for her personal benefit. Ah!) …her saas bahu thi serials define and manifest the bitching religion 'Saas bhi bahu ki tarah ‘bitch’ thi', 'Kasauti ‘bitching’ ki, 'Kahani har ‘bitch ki, etc etc…and yeah, the grandmother of all - Sex n the city…now whats that!!!!!!!!

It’s like some sort of the holy gospel from the goblet of which women have been drinking from for centuries now… as a matter of example, Cleopatra - the great ‘achiever’, all the female protagonist in the Sydney Sheldon novels…

Even the great 'mean' men believe that there lies a ‘bitchy’ secret in every woman’s closet…it’s a cherished glory every woman basks in smiling to herself a ‘clandestine’ smile.

Oh ya, by the way, there are ‘male’ followers too…but it will take few decades for them to rise against the conventions of the society and admit to being ‘bitches’.

And after reading this my score on being a bitch would shoot up…now what am I or for that matter you being?

P.S : Man, I feel like a woman ;)

One fine morning...

Rare that the shutter of my eyes fluttered that early in the morning...strange that the bio mechanics of my body began work 4-5 hrs prior than its regular office opening hours...and highly unusual that the joint venture of all sorts of energy levels pushed me to even look at the watch at 5.30 am! And i was surprised to find myself smiling - a happy satisfied smile. For the past few months, 'wake ups' at any damn time of the day have been grumpy and sad, reason being - the failure to recognize the purpose of the day: basically nothing to look forward to.

Still in bed I wondered, contemplated for long over what could be the reason for this continued smile. Was it just the dawn dawning upon me or some classified reason which kept on riding the roller coaster of my thoughts again n again. Whatever it maybe, I felt good smiling ... just like that. The kind of smile that made me feel blessed with the shear comfort of my pillow under my head and the warmth of the blanket I was cozily tucked under...I felt pampered by the whole goodness of my bed and felt supported by the strength of the wall next to my bed :)

Maybe this was just an existence of the extraordinary happiness in the midst of my ordinary life...maybe it was just a folly...maybe i never paid attention before...maybe its that virtue of contentment which defies the gravity of the conventional...maybe just a fictitious mental communion...maybe its actually nothing more than just another 'maybe'...

I recall it as my 'magical moment' -without the mountains and the fields and no stars and angels around me...some sort of magic which happened right here on my bed...right next to my alarm clock which has the ultimate potential to end all magical worlds...I smiled a 'smirky' smile again.

P.S : ' I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep...'

I am no better than an Indian 'domestic' monkey...

This is the reason why I could not come up with a blog for more than a month now...

Read this - Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player, was dying of cancer. He received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed, "Why did God have to select you for such a bad disease?" To this Ashe replied, "the world over, 5 crore children start playing tennis, 50 lakh learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the Grand Slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi finals, 2 to the finals.

When I was holding a Cup, I never asked GOD, "Why me?"
And today in pain, I should not be asking GOD, "why me?"

Whoa!!!!!!!!!!! Now the above paragraph is similar to a million other stuff i read over the last one month....I mean "GAWD" stuff..serious, touching, "aawwwwwwww" things, sensible and all the heavy stuff...and I was convinced rather believed that it is important to be able to think "seriously"and i even tried to write a heavily loaded blog ...but Aghast..what was the result...clearly I am not programmed to think seriously and I actually made a note rather a list of how 'seriously' i take 'serious' things....

• when it rains, instead of thinking how beautiful the day is, how amazing the breeze is (like ideally portrayed in a romantic bollywood song or like the thinkers think about it) all that makes me happy is that I would be able to jump in a puddle on the road or probably drive through one and splash water on others.
  

• I somehow have no fascination for sunrise or sunset and instead of admiring the warmth of the winter sun, all i feel like doing is giving sun a tight slap so that it would somehow shut up its heat....and whats with the beauty of the blue sky and blue ocean, I would any day find throwing 'blue' ink on someones white t-shirt more beautiful (since anyways, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder :P)

• and this is best, whenever I see or meet infinite 'sweet' or adorable kids, I can NEVER come up with an "Awwwwwww shooooo 'shhhhweeeet" expression...I would prefer to pinch them on their arms or bums and run away while their moms are not watching :P
  

• I cannot bring myself to think seriously about the threat of terrorism on humanity rather I day dream about working with a terrorist organization...how exciting..hiding somewhere in the tora-bora mountain range (i hope a mountain range like that exists!)... working on very challenging projects with maybe Lashkar-e-toiba...designing highly complexed risk management and business contingency plans for them (well, thats what my degree has taught me to do!)...wear jazzy business suits ( probably hidden under a burkha :O) and go to office with location of offices changing every 15days...wow! (P.S - well, to my friends I am a full fledged terrorist organization in myself)

- I seek pleasure in walking down to the beach on a chilled winter night without sufficient warm clothing and then coming back home and digging my absolutely frozen palms on amrita's neck and she shrieks! what fun!

6. while writing this i felt hungry and opened a namkeen ka packet from both sides with so much force that the aloo bhujia was all on my face and ya I have no shame in admitting that after every single munch of namkeen, i conveniently wiped my hands on my denims and even brushed namkeen off my palms right on my laptop! - I need technical training at doing simple things - I suck! ( now please dont get your pervert heads thinking!)

- I am such a pathetic swimmer that I can barely keep myself afloat but still i conveniently boast how much i "LOwwwe" swimming...(I only go for a swim when nobody else is in the pool to save myself the embarrassment of splashing water in other people's eyes and throwing gallons of water outside the pool), but mind you, I keep up the hard work at swimming, whatever TV memories I have of swimming competitions, I try to confidently copy all those 'swimming strokes' - end result - everyday increased quantity of chlorine water down my throat.

8. misplacing my spects, mobile, pens, car keys, dropping super haldi filled indian food on my clothes etc etc is like daily routine...I might forget to brush once, but i never ever forget to be careless.

Anyways, I am even worse lekin abhi yaad nahi aa raha. And please, dont pity my mom, I swear I was never like this as a kid, shayad i am suffering from a different kinds of AIDS jismein, instead of blood cells, 'brian cells' ka deterioration hota hai.

P.S - I like the way this blog looks, usage of nos., dots, and - s all together to mark points. I know before u did that I am arbit and random, but shrugging my shoulders i say ' kee fark painda hai'. Cheers!