Oh what a Bitch!

Handsomely bored and honestly bugged , I read through the times of India Delhi edition and predictable of Sunday times, an article has to exist on the rising woman power in India. Hence in one of such articles I discovered the motivation to write this blog - A Mumbai based journalist’s blog on sex in a woman’s life. I must appreciate that the blog was extremely well framed and boldly written but what interested me more was that it further confirmed my belief in the fact that being a ‘bitch’ is one religion that all women follow ardently. Discussing the guidelines and principles of this religious belief can be highly controversial and worth debating over but solely, the religion recognises and affirms faith in female goddess - the goddess which resides within the heart of every female and no particular deity has to be followed but the goddess’s incarnations modify from decades to decades revolutionising the disciples’ thoughts and actions from time to time ….Marilyn Monroe, Angelina Jolie, Jenifer Annis ton, Katrina kaif…the goddess’s names across the countries varies. This religion knows no boundaries and is worshipped secretly by every woman across the globe. The true idols, the pillars of the religion might vary according to the location of the follower, but the secret aspiration to be like one of the goddesses’ remains the same…the inspiration is the driving force. So, to begin with, I am not "suggesting' that every woman is a bitch, I 'believe' in it.

The Mantra -

And surprisingly enough, as follower of the religion she would show affinity towards a fellow follower and recognises an associate ‘bitch’ too and for sure, would love to call another respected member a ‘bitch’ with pride and at times as a gesture signifying mere affection. Addressing another female as a bitch, well, don’t misjudge, its a chanting mantra of the religion, the way to attain mental peace…a way of doing ‘sadhna’ and so much more….

Ask a woman, how important the word ‘bitch’ becomes ever since she attains that age to understand the truly wonderful meaning of the word…it brings pleasure to every woman when she is obligated to use the word in situations difficult to handle…it’s the word which when recited can bring a truly ‘heartfelt’ peace in the hearts of many women…just a single word can provoke violence vice verse can cool down the boiling temperatures within a female’s ‘angry, head….the word has ‘yogic’ properties- when enchanted is immediately followed by deep breathing leading to peace of body and soul…has healing properties for a healthy woman’s heart (helps in pumping the blood faster).

And well enough, no rituals have to be followed and no hard work has to be done in adopting the religion…so, ‘just be yourself’ is the tag line of the religion.

To adopt the religion – the cycle of ‘Karma’

That’s the easiest task. To become a disciple a woman has to do nothing and one day she realizes that she automatically has become one

• In school when pimples and braces define your beauty and mom does not let you wax your legs and do your eyebrows, when folding your socks down and wearing short tunics too fails to attract attention…and there is this girl in school who is pretty and in her lies the interest of all guys…the school of learning begins right there…the pretty girl is proclaimed as a ‘bitch’.

Once the foundation stone has been laid in the young minds, with hearts ignited, the learning goes forever till death does them apart.

• You are a sexy hot-bod, a fellow friend not so great looking but with brains…secretly she is a bitch

• Hot babe with great brains, super cool boyfriend …automatic promotion -Super bitch!
• Fellow colleague finished her work before you did…Oh what a bitch!

• Your boyfriends’ eyes drool over to some random female in a crowded place…the random female does not even realise….she just opened her own gateways by being called a ‘bitch’

“You win you lose…you are ugly or beautiful...you rise or fail...you are anointed as the disciple of the religion anyways by a fellow follower”

Secretly, the word has the sacred authority of defining woman power - after all Ekta Kapoor’s business thrives on this (she uses religion for her personal benefit. Ah!) …her saas bahu thi serials define and manifest the bitching religion 'Saas bhi bahu ki tarah ‘bitch’ thi', 'Kasauti ‘bitching’ ki, 'Kahani har ‘bitch ki, etc etc…and yeah, the grandmother of all - Sex n the city…now whats that!!!!!!!!

It’s like some sort of the holy gospel from the goblet of which women have been drinking from for centuries now… as a matter of example, Cleopatra - the great ‘achiever’, all the female protagonist in the Sydney Sheldon novels…

Even the great 'mean' men believe that there lies a ‘bitchy’ secret in every woman’s closet…it’s a cherished glory every woman basks in smiling to herself a ‘clandestine’ smile.

Oh ya, by the way, there are ‘male’ followers too…but it will take few decades for them to rise against the conventions of the society and admit to being ‘bitches’.

And after reading this my score on being a bitch would shoot up…now what am I or for that matter you being?

P.S : Man, I feel like a woman ;)